IRAC your life

Last year as a 1L, I learned the infamous "IRAC" method. You know: Issue, Rule, Analysis, Conclusion. A few friends of mine actually turned this method into something rather useful. We would often "IRAC" our lives and usually came up with some insightful findings.

Anyways, this chick takes this to a whole new level. She posted her IRAC of a case:

You and Me Doing It v. You and Me Not Doing It

Here it is, posted for your enjoyment:

FACTS:

You’re in my class at law school. You are tall, dark and very masculine. I find you quite attractive and it’s really distracting. I find reasons to look in your direction during class and I blatantly stare at you whenever we pass by one another. You seem to be returning the looks but I can’t figure out if you’re eye-raping me back, or if it’s more of a “what the fuck is this girl staring at” kind of look. I’m not Megan Fox, but if I was a guy, I don’t think I’d kick me out of bed, so I dare to hope it’s the former?

Anyway, we’re expected to absorb class material sufficiently enough to one day pass the bar exam, and this is difficult when I’m more focused on what’s behind your zipper. It’s probably distracting to you as well for some chick to be gawking at you while you’re trying to cram massive amounts of information into your brain. (And I’m thinking about cramming appendages of yours into orifices of mine.)

ISSUE:

Should we have wild, crazy, meaningless animal sex?

RULE:

Distractions can be very detrimental to success in law school, and should be eliminated whenever possible.

ANALYSIS:

As detailed above in the facts, my desire to be plowed by you is a major distraction from my studies. It’s got to be a distraction to you as well since it’s probably unnerving to be stared at by a predatory sex-starved woman as if she wants to take a bite out of you. Per the above rule, this distraction to both of us needs to be eliminated for us to graduate from law school and pass the bar exam.

Solution? We get it on! I get it out of my system. You not only get laid, but you get the added benefit of not feeling my eyes burning into the side of your head (or your crotch) all through class. We move happily along with our legal education unimpeded by the distraction of sexual tension.

Afraid of possible disadvantages? I’ll address any potential concerns here. The quotes are you, and my response follows.

“Will I catch any diseases?” Nope. Clean as a whistle. Just got out of a long-term relationship and have only been with one person for the past 3 years. Got tested anyway though, and all is well in My-Vagina Land. (Except for its burning desire to be filled with your throbbing manhood.)

“Will you stalk me, or expect a relationship or commitment in return?” NO. You get free NSA sex. As mentioned above, I’m recently out of a long-term relationship. I’m not ready for another one nor do I have the time.

“What if it’s really bad, and we end up having to awkwardly avoid one another in class for the next 4 years?” I don’t plan on it being bad, at least on my end. Hopefully our encounter (or encounters, if it was so crazy awesome we decided to make it an ongoing FB arrangement) would go as follows: We leave class after our respective long days of work and school, both cranky, irritable and in desperate need of blowing off some steam. We go to your place or mine, whichever is closer. Maybe we engage in various acts of foreplay, or maybe we’re both ready to get to the main attraction so fuck it. You look like you would be HUGE, but I will still bravely tackle that monster and try my best to deep throat the whole thing. You then throw me down on the bed, floor, or any available surface, and have your way with me. This would ideally involve some spanking, hair pulling, and/or explicit dirty talk.

“What if a lot of women in the class stare at me, and I’m not sure which one you are? What if you’re one of the old or fat chicks, or really ugly?” I’m not going to describe my exact appearance because I will die of embarrassment if someone else in the class sees this and even speculates as to who I am. (Particularly a man I have dubbed Leery McPervert who stares at me the way I probably stare at you. I don’t want that dirty old man getting a boner knowing I’m all juiced up in class.) Yes I know I haven’t even identified the law school, but I’m paranoid so bite me. (I mean that in the vernacular sense. But if you want to take it literally, I’d enjoy that too.) Anyway, I’m close to your age (twentysomething). When I look at myself I see “cute” but I get told I’m “pretty,” “beautiful” even. I’m not perfect, but I get hit on, catcalled and sexually harassed frequently enough to assume I must be at least somewhat doable. I even think I’ve seen you giving me a look or two. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

CONCLUSION:

For both of us to succeed in law school and ultimately pass the bar exam (and for me to not end up on the Megan’s Law website for losing all self-restraint, walking across the room in the middle of class, and mounting you), we will need to have sex ASAP. Sexual proposition affirmed.